Twenty-one years as a parish minister, and I’d probably not stopped “doing” for most of that time. I was exhausted. A colleague suggested I go on a silent retreat. As an extrovert who loves community and conversation, the thought of one horrified me. However, something had to change. I meet with a spiritual director for an hour each day during the retreat. During our first meeting, she suggested leaving all the books I’d brought to read in my car. “Not even the Bible?” I queried (after all, I’m a good Presbyterian!). “Not even the Bible.” she replied. “I want you to spend time with yourself.” I was shocked. Unsettled. Challenged. Scared, even. Stripped of my role of ‘minister,’ who would I meet?
To say that the retreat was life-changing would be an understatement. Gently guided by my spiritual director, I was gifted a space to be open about what was really going on inside me, a space where I was listened to deeply. Each time we met, she gave me something to reflect on and pray with (a picture, a Bible verse, a poem). I was invited to pay attention to my inner world and encouraged to find ways in which to express it creatively. My focus in ministry mainly had been on my outer world, what I did, on others, what they did, or on the world, working for justice and a right relationship. To be invited to spend time with myself and with God in Jesus was wonderfully nurturing and life-giving and enabled me to go back to my parish with new energy. Since that retreat, I’ve met monthly with a spiritual director.
Spiritual accompaniment has been called “holy listening”. Usually offered 1:1 (group accompaniment is also possible), it’s a relationship in which one person (spiritual director), journeys alongside another (you), listening with and to you as you notice the inner landscape of your life, such as:
- That which you name as sacred, holy, mystery or God
- That which sparks life, energy and creativity within you
- Your desires, instincts, feelings or body’s wisdom
- The stirrings of the Holy Spirit
- The whispers of God’s/Jesus’ presence or call in your life, community or world
You might be invited to reflect on questions like:
- What makes you feel fully alive?
- What inspires you?
- What feels sacred or deeply meaningful?
- What do you long for deep down inside?
- How do you discern God’s call or deepen your relationship with Jesus?
- Where is God in the difficult experiences or in a sense of absence?
Spiritual accompaniment is a space where these things can be shared and gently held. You will be listened to respectfully, confidentially and compassionately. The hope is you’ll discover a more profound sense of wholeness and well-being, enjoy greater spiritual freedom, and deepen your relationship with God in Jesus.
Spiritual accompaniment differs from other listening spaces (e.g., pastoral supervision, coaching) in its primary focus on your inner world and on God. For many, it offers a beautiful balance—a space to look inward, complimenting another practice that enables them to look outward at work or goals. It’s a spiritual practice I can’t recommend highly enough. I only wish I’d found it earlier in my ministry.
If your interest is piqued and you’d like to chat about what spiritual accompaniment might offer you, please get in touch: pastoralsupport@churchofscotland.org.uk
Rev Dr Valerie Allen
Valerie is a spiritual director, retreat leader, member of the Bield Pastoral Team and Presbytery of Perth Chaplain