I began the journey into ministry single, met my husband along the way, began probation, newly married, embarked on full-time ministry with a one-year-old, and then had another baby (the first newborn of the manse). The most important milestones in my life have happened in ministry, and as such, I have gained various perspectives from it. As a single person, I could give so much of my time that I rarely used the word ‘no’ when it came to the Church. I recall that there was an expectation from my peers that I would say yes to everything since I didn’t have a husband or small children to fill my time with. And I didn’t think that was fair, even God rested, so I decided to carve out some time in my schedule for me. Clearly, God had a plan, as with this newfound balance, I would go on to spend my spare time with my now husband, Eric. Dating and training to be a Minister were really lovely; the congregation’s ladies, in particular, were just as excited as I was about our love story (and they were even more thrilled to attend our wedding!) When we married, we hoped to start a family, however I did wonder how I would balance being a ‘Mummy’ and ‘Rev’, for I had never met a female Minister who had began a family in Ministry. Skip forward to now being in front of a nominating panel as a wife and Mummy. There, I made no apologies about the person God had called to their Church. I wasn’t the stereotypical Minister, and that, in their opinion, was perfect for them. Although I had this acceptance, as I began the role, I found myself almost trying to make up for the fact that I had other commitments…. if my firstborn, my son, was sick, I would try to make up for the time spent in the hospital with him, and although exhausted, I would put my needs last, trying to keep up with expectation. On various pastoral visits, I would be left with Mum guilt when asked where my child was, as though I had somehow forgotten to bring him…. (he was in the nursery).
Fast forward to my daughter being born, and my husband was commended for taking the children to Church each week whilst I took the service. He is rather exceptional, but it did make me wonder if ministers’ wives get the same amount of credit! Unfortunately, my daughter became very sick, needing a life-saving operation at 3 months old. Thanks be to God, she was cured, but when I returned to work, she became unwell again; her immune system took such a hit that Doctors advised I isolate her. Just 3 months back into the role from maternity leave, I picked up the phone to 121, where a colleague on the other end asked why it had taken me so long to reach out for support…. those words let me breathe again. I had been in A&E 1-2 times a week with my daughter for so long that I was running on autopilot, trying to be everything for everyone. My daughter is now healthy; as I write this, she has just celebrated her 2nd birthday. I’ve been back to work for a while now, but from another perspective, again. On looking back on all I had been through, an Elder in my congregation had said that being young and having a young family, folk often think we are superhuman and that no one would even question reducing workload if it was an ageing Minister or a Minister who had caring responsibilities for a partner. I am now as unapologetic as the person who first was in front of that nominating panel. God makes no mistakes; he calls each of us uniquely made, according to our gifts. In my parish, young families are now coming to Church. Revs, don’t apologise for who God made you be; let your light shine before men… and women! God is always doing something new, and that might look like you, as you are. And congregations, care for your Minister and understand their needs as they do yours. Love your neighbour, and please love your Minister, just as they are.
Rev Jade Ableitner
Minister, Eaglesham Parish Church