Explore a powerful story of grappling with sex addiction and finding redemption, demonstrating that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel for those facing similar challenges. Join in this journey of healing, understanding, and ultimate transformation, embracing the fruit of self-control as a guiding force amidst the struggle.
I’m a minister in the Church of Scotland, but I’m also someone who, for a large part of my life, described myself as a sex addict. For many decades, I struggled with increasingly devastating compulsive behaviours that often left me in a very dark and desperate place. I could well identify over and over again with the agonised question that Paul poses in Romans 7: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do”. I was stuck in a seemingly never-ending cycle of guilt and shame that left me feeling just like the “wretched man” that Paul describes.
Sadly, real-life issues such as pornography and sexual sin are not really discussed within the church. But the pages of our Bibles are riddled with people going through the pain and the consequences of sexual desires running out of control. David and Bathsheba are just one classic example. And we know all too well that increasing numbers of Christian leaders are also falling prey to sexual sin. Sex is everywhere we look in the modern world, and it does us no good whatsoever to stick our heads in the sand and pretend that it isn’t a problem for Christians.
I know from my own experience that many Christian men (and some women) struggle with addiction to pornography and other sexual behaviours. Part of my journey towards recovery involved setting up a local 12-step support group with Sex Addicts Anonymous. Well over a decade of attending that group brought me into contact with numerous Christians whose lives had been devastated by their compulsive behaviours. Not necessarily by anything illegal, although that was an issue for some people. For the vast majority, this was “mainstream pornography” (whatever that means these days) that had sucked these people in and destroyed their lives.
Over the years, I listened to many people tell their heart-breaking stories when they first entered the group. Porn addiction is real, and it causes devastating consequences. I know individuals who have lost their jobs and their marriages because of their compulsive behaviours and still couldn’t stop and others who were on the verge of suicide. There but for the grace of God go I. For a Christian especially, there is an added burden of shame and guilt that makes it even harder to escape. And for Christian leaders, it can be almost impossible to open up about these kinds of problems that we would prefer to sweep under the carpet and ignore.
But I want to tell you clearly today that there is hope and light at the end of the tunnel. I no longer call myself a sex addict, although I’m incredibly grateful for the help that group gave me in the darkest times of my life. My long and painful journey has brought me finally to a much healthier place of healing and understanding. The road still has occasional bumps, but it’s gradually becoming smoother.
If you are struggling, I urge you to get help before it’s too late. A great Christian organisation called the Naked Truth Project (https://nakedtruthproject.com/) can offer you the help you need. And I would very strongly recommend the book ‘Confronting Porn’ by Paula Hall. I pray that if you are struggling in this way, you too can experience the same transformation that Paul went through in Romans 7: “Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
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If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article, please contact our Support team on pastoralsupport@churchofscotland.org.uk